Parenting Archives - Milk Maven, LLC

April 16, 2020April 17, 2020

Look ma, No hands: Home Visits via Telehealth

The Bad News

I know a telehealth consultation with an IBCLC isn’t what you were expecting. It wasn’t what you had in mind when you made plans for the first couple of weeks home with your baby. You knew that if you had issues with breastfeeding, that you could call me, and I would be there within 24 hours, ready to offer hands on help, a shoulder to cry on, and gentle words that would guide you through the difficult first days. I know you feel alone, and scared, and maybe in pain, and I am so sorry for that.

To be honest, this is not what I was expecting either. I love going to your nest and helping you in an environment that makes you feel safe and supported. I love holding your baby, and holding you, the parent, if you need it. It feels unnatural to counsel you through something so physical without using my hands.

The Good News

I don’t need to use my hands to help you learn how to feed your baby. I don’t need to use my hands to teach you how to latch comfortably, check your baby for oral ties, or to help you prepare for the next steps in parenting. Using my props, and my words, I will guide you through all of this. Think of it this way, if I used my hands to place your baby where they needed to be, to hold your breast while they ate, we may be able to quickly get the baby to eat. However, when my hands left your house, you would be no better off than you were in the first place. My job is to teach you how to do these things, to empower you through feeding for the rest of your parenthood journey, and I can do all of that through telehealth.

Mother And Baby Playing With Digital Tablet At Home Smiling

How does Telehealth Work?

You book an appointment the same way you always did! Go to my website and select the type and time of the appointment that works for you.
If you are with Aetna, don’t worry! They will still pay for telehealth! If you are paying out of pocket, telehealth is cheaper than a home visit.
Once you have booked, I will send you a link to all your intake and consent forms. Fill those out and I will send you the link for our call. I use Google Meet which is HIPPA compliant. I will never film or take pictures without your consent. To be honest, I don’t know how to do either of those things anyway.
When it is time for our meeting, click on the link in your calendar for our appointment.
Enable both the video and microphone so I can see and hear you!

Some Tips on Telehealth

Have a camera person. This can be a partner, a family member, or friend but it absolutely makes a difference to have someone hold the phone, ipad, or computer so that you do not have to. You will need access to both your hands and I will need access to more than one angle to properly assess the baby.
A well lit room is better than a dark one, but I will work with where ever you feel comfortable.
If pumping is getting you down, have your pump parts out, washed, connected, and ready to go. This saves on “dead air” time and we can easily assess the fit and effectiveness.
Have all your questions written down. Of course, you will always think of more at the time of the call, but this way you don’t forget anything. Your brain is set on baby mode right now, and this isn’t the best time to trust your memory!
Have the baby changed, and in a clean diaper with no clothes on. I usually do this for weighing reasons but skin to skin feeding has numerous benefits and often that is all we need to get a baby who is unwilling to latch, to suddenly be interested.
Choose to have the consultation in the room of the house you feel most comfortable in. If that is your bedroom, let’s learn to nurse in there. There is no reason for you to be in an office chair in a room you never nurse in, just because this is a telehealth call. If you are using a nipple shield, pillow, etc. have it ready to go!

Why Should I use Telehealth?

Besides the initial, postpartum, OMG-my-nipples-are-on-fire-and-the-baby-won’t-open-wide-enough appointments, there are a ton of reasons why calling an IBCLC during this time for a telehealth visit might be a good idea!

Prenatal appointments to get you ready for your baby
Weaning or weaning delay
Relactation (if you are regretting weaning early and want to try to start again)
Induced lactation
Exclusive pumping help
Solid introduction
Sleep help
Suck training after a tongue tie

Ultimately, I am here for you through this crisis and beyond to help make sure that you meet your feeding goals and you feel supported and uplifted. No one should be alone at this delicate time of their lives as new parents, and I am here for you.

July 23, 2019July 23, 2019

The Perfect Formula for Breastfeeding

“I just fed him every two hours or when he woke up, then everything went much better!”

“We were trying to get him to sleep in the crib for naps, but I missed him too much so he sleeps in my arms now.”

“My pediatrician said he should be sleeping 5 hour stretches by this time, but he is so much happier when I feed him, is this a bad habit?”

Woman bites nails with furrowed brow — I read 500 books, but I forgot the right way to take care of my baby!

You read all the books, scoured all the websites and got all the (sometimes unsolicited) advice from your friends. Now, you feel you are going into this big, important, life changing thing prepared and knowledgable. Filled with confidence about breastfeeding, you are ready…and then the baby arrives.

Nowadays, new parents believe that knowledge gives them the best chance to feeding their babies easily. The more information the better right? Education is not bad, and it is good to know what to expect. However, downloading the perfect app, going to the perfect class, and creating the perfect schedule will not ensure perfection. What if I told you there is no perfect baby?

A parent who goes into breastfeeding with absolutely no expectations is a beautiful thing. These parents go with the flow! They give their baby whatever they need, whenever they need it. This ease allows them to hold their babies close, sniff their little heads, and get to know their cries. Parents who respond to their babies, instead of trying to force them into a box, tend to have less stress.

Skin to skin isn’t just about all the great benefits like temperature and blood sugar regulation. When you hold your baby close, you learn who they are. When a baby is away in another room, swaddled, pacified, and monitored electronically, you may miss the little nuances. You might even miss early feeding queues that are so obvious when the baby is nestled on your chest, resulting in a very unhappy little camper.

The thing is, a perfect formula to breastfeeding just doesn’t exist. Every parent and every baby is different. So often to solve an issue, it takes an IBCLC. We will look at all the variables to make a specific plan for your family. It isn’t as simple as just consuming all the information you can find, because here is the thing, no book or blog has ever been written about your baby. No math equation will work without fail with every single baby and parent. There is no perfect class, app, or professional who can predict what kind of baby your baby will be. A good IBCLC will teach you what is normal, help you get comfortable, and show you how to interpret cries and cues. I can’t wait to help you to write your own book.

December 9, 2015

Don’t Panic: Hitchhikers Guide to Parenting

I remember seeing a book on my parents’ shelf when I was young, called Parenthood is Not For Cowards. I assumed this meant that it meant that in order to be a good parent, you had to listen to nightmares, and not be afraid of them. Then I became a parent. I realized that parenting meant being scared to death, every single day, and doing the right thing by your kiddo anyway. It means doing the hard thing, making the hard choices, it means never giving up, and never surrendering.

During pregnancy, we read all the books, we make all the plans, we do all the research. We attend classes, and force our partners to go with us, we pick out the perfect layette, and apply to receive the perfect breast pump. We interview 15 different pediatricians, we find the numbers for lactation consultants, parenting support groups, and visit every daycare center in the tri-state area. But things go wrong. Labors stall, emergencies happen, daycares fill. And when they do DON’T PANIC! There are far more than 42 things that could go wrong, but let them be hurdles, not walls.

Of course, as soon as you think you have breastfeeding down, something is going to change. Your milk comes in, the baby grows, you go back to work, the baby is teething, or baby goes on a nursing/sleep/solids strike. When this happens DON’T PANIC. All of these things are normal, and part of breastfeeding and in no way means that you are insufficient, or doing something wrong, or a bad mom. Here is the thing about bad parents, they never wonder if they are being a bad parent. Just by you being scared to death that you have somehow inadvertently broken your baby, you are being a good parent.

No one expects you to have all the answers. Historically, we never were expected to have all the answers. We used to raise our babies in tribes. Where all the aunties, grannies, mothers, sisters and friends were all around us, informing, encouraging, and supporting us. We used to see breastfeeding everywhere we went. We saw women latching, unlatching, babies sucking and swallowing, and crying and sleeping all the time. Many of my clients have never seen a baby fed at the breast. We no longer have access to this education. We no longer have this tribe. We try our best to fill in the gaps with social media and blogs, lactation consultants, nurses and doctors, and books and books and books.

We must be discerning between good and bad advice, we must be savvy about science v placebo affects, we must trial and error every choice we make and we must do it all while Instagraming our bliss, for beware if someone catches on that we are struggling to stay above water.

Here’s the thing people. You are doing a good job. DON’T PANIC if something goes wrong. DON’T PANIC if you don’t have the answers and you need help. DON’T PANIC if your idea of what parenthood should look like doesn’t exactly match with your life. Let go of your expectations and the expectations of others, and just do the best you can.

Oh, and always carry a towel.

November 12, 2015

Take my Picture

I was asked to write a guest blog by one of my favorite people and pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding/boudoir photographers, Sabrena Rexing. I wanted to touch on family, parenting, breastfeeding struggle, and memory making. This is what came out.

This is my mother.

She fancies herself an amateur photographer. At every event, there she is with her camera, clicking away. No, not just at the happy big events, like Christmas and birthdays, but EVERY event. Hospitalizations, funerals, rehab facilities, shopping trips, and family dinners. I even have a picture of me with 90% of my body covered in poison ivy when I was 10. It has become somewhat of a family joke. I asked her once, why did she feel it necessary to document our entire lives without exception?

Turns out that she had read once, that when bad things happen, people stop taking pictures. Taking pictures was her way of saying, “this isn’t bad enough, we will get through this.”

This mindset, true or not, has become ingrained in me. I am one of those weird people who love seeing selfies on Facebook. I drool over everyone’s beautiful food pictures. I coo over babies (and not just because that is my job). When I was turning 29, I had just had my third and final baby, I was in school and overextended. I wasn’t feeling like the hottest tamale, and my sex drive was at the absolute lowest point of my life. So what did I do? I posed for a boudoir session.

When my kids are being monsters and I am frustrated with my day, I start taking pictures of them being them. I catch them climbing the furniture, singing inane songs repetitively, or putting my make-up on the dog. In this way, I take back the feelings of irritation, and replace it with making memories.

I think it is so important to document the good, as well as the bad. When it comes to parenting, eventually you will want to remember all of it. I highly encourage my clients, especially those who struggle greatly, to photograph their nursing babies. Facebook policies and modesty be damned! Take pictures of this time, for it is fleeting. You don’t have to look at them right away, if they might be painful. You deserve to remember the struggle, to acknowledge it, and then proudly say, “I am strong, I got through this!”

I have lovely professional photographs of my pregnancies, growing family, and even some of my labor and birth. I was about to wean my final baby this summer when I realized, I had none of my children nursing. I, the IBCLC, the person who made breastfeeding her career, have zero professional and frameable photos commemorating the nearly 8 years I spent nursing. I will always regret not making that a priority, but thankfully Sabrena took some lovely ones during her Breastfeeding in Public sessions this summer. She captured perfectly one of our last nursing sessions.

If you look at my mother’s photo albums, they are filled with the minutia of our lives. It is utterly biographical, unashamed, and unblinking. They aren’t all posed, or even flattering (a point that I tease her about) but they are all us. I can hear my Aunt’s voice as she comforts my two-year old about her “boo boo”. I can smell the hospital room, and hear my grandmother’s cackle laugh. Thanks mom, for encouraging me to live my life out loud, and for leaving me a legacy of memory making.

August 31, 2015

Myth Monday: Daddy Bonding pt. 2

So, this meany IBCLC doesn’t want daddies to feed their babies? How small minded and unfeminist of me! Don’t you realize that lots of women work?!

Whoa. Let me assure you, I am a big fan of bottles when breasts aren’t available! Rule number one of parenting is this: FEED THE BABY. Bottles can be helpful for a parent who is returning to work, and should be introduced at some point between 4-6 weeks by someone other than the mother, but that isn’t what we are talking about today.

The problem with the whole, “pump so daddy can feed” thing, is:

If you aren’t removing milk from your breast at every feed you are decreasing your supply. Period. So if you plan on sleeping through that feeding the daddy is taking over, don’t, you best get up and pump! And if you are up anyway, why not just feed the baby and save your sweetie all those dishes to wash?
Pumping is a lot less fun than holding a cute, cuddly, big eyed, sweetly smelling baby.
When you get in a cycle of pumping and bottle feeding, you breastfeed less and less, which ultimately decreases your supply and YOUR ability to bond with the baby.
You will most likely, want to slap the bottle out of your dear loved one’s hands. Hormones make us protective of our little ones and of our milk supply. It is why our breasts let down when we hear a kitten meow sometimes, we want to feed the WORLD! This doesn’t go away just because you pledged your life to this guy with the bottle, your gut will rebel against someone else feeding your baby.
Pumps just aren’t as efficient as babies, and sometimes, you won’t be able to pump at all. This has NOTHING to do with your supply, simply with the intelligence of your breasts. They know this droid is not the baby they are looking for! However, the sight of two bottles with drips of milk in the bottom after 30 minutes of not bonding with your baby can be really disheartening.

Enjoy your only job for the next few weeks being to feed and enjoy your baby!

August 24, 2015

Milk Myth Monday: Daddy Bonding pt 1.

Myth: Daddies will not bond with a baby unless food is involved.

I hear it all the time, “I plan on breastfeeding, but want to pump and introduce the bottle so that my husband can bond.” Or, “I want my partner to feed the baby at night so I can sleep.”

Truth: Daddies and non-breastfeeding mommies can bond with their babies in a LOT of ways!

Daddy bonding time is important and (surprise!) doesn’t have to include a pump or a bottle. Some of my favorite memories of my husband are the moments after birth when he held them, dressed them carefully, kissed their tiny noses and cradled them very gently in his arms. He was the only one who could put our youngest to sleep for the longest time. He had a magical way of bathing them without tantrums erupting. His broad shoulders settled their tummies and his fearlessness helped them grow confident and secure. None of these daddy bonding rituals involved a bottle, and to be quite honest with you, the few times we tried a bottle, I nearly knocked it out of his hand in a hormonal mama lion way.

Here are a few other ways your partner can bond with baby and become a partner to you and a parent to your new little one:

Baby-wearing
Bath time
Diaper Changes
Naps on your chest
Baby massage
Taking goofy Instagram pictures with baby
Dressing
Skin to skin care
Playing video games while baby sits and watches you (captive audience)
Walks
Bedtime routine
Burping
Sing to them
Making silly faces at the baby
Reading Stories
Loving and taking care of their breastfeeding partner
Skeet Shooting

Ok, that last one is for a bit older child, I admit. Still though, there are a ton of ways that babies and their parents to bond and be involved with each other that don’t include food. Here are some more great ideas from Code Name Mama.

August 18, 2015

Milk Myth Monday: Circumcision

I realize this may lose me more business than it will gain, and I am going to keep this short and sweet, however, in the past few weeks I have seen too much of this to keep quiet about it any longer.

1. Circumcision hurts. Babies have the same nerve endings we do. Their penis is just as sensitive as any other male’s. There is even evidence of in utero masturbation for pete’s sake! When you cut, peel back, and cut skin from the penis, it is going to hurt. Period.

2. Circumcision affects breastfeeding. If you had just had surgery on your genitals, you probably wouldn’t want to be pressed up against anyone for a while. Too bad that is exactly what happens when breastfeeding properly. Tummy to tummy contact means that your little one’s open and fresh wound is pressed up against your body, which hurts. The reason it hurts? Check out #1.

Often, in the days following a circumcision, the baby will reject the breast, pull away from mother, avoid eye contact, and will fail to bond properly. This causes a domino effect of consequences to take place, such as: Lowered milk supply, weight loss, jaundice, lowered blood sugar, screaming and crying from the child.

3. Circumcision is pointless. It has been proven so needless, that some Jewish communities are bypassing full Brists for more humane practices including symbolic cutting and blood letting that leaves the foreskin alone. I am sick of the penile cancer argument. Women have a much higher incident of breast cancer, and yet we don’t remove little female’s breast buds at birth.

So really, why risk it? Why give your son an unnecessary cosmetic (and most times unmedicated) surgery at birth that can put your breastfeeding relationship at risk? So that he can match his daddy? Honey, if the only difference between your husband and your son’s penis is the amount of skin on it, you have more problems than I realized.

July 22, 2015

Weaning or Nursing Strike?

“My baby ‘self weaned’ at 6 months, 9 months, a year old.'” In fact, my mom told me the story about how I self weaned at 6 months old. I just simply didn’t want the breast any more, apparently. However, I remember clearly the last time I had a pacifier, and it wasn’t pretty, so it wasn’t like I didn’t want to suck on SOMETHING. Many times, what looks like weaning may actually be a nursing strike. A nursing strike is a sudden refusal of the breast, brought on by teeth, illness, growth, or introduction of solids.

Let’s look at the difference.

1. Babies rarely wean before a year of age. After all, if solids are fun until age one, what exactly are they eating at such quantities that they don’t need breastmilk anymore at such a young age? Usually, this means too many solids have been introduced, a bottle preference has been established, or a nursing strike due to teeth or some other developmental milestone.

2. Weaning is slow and steady, and takes months to complete. Weaning of course, starts as soon as something other than the breast (or bottle if exclusively pumping) is introduced. This is recommended as starting the middle of the first year, around 6 months of age. Look for signs of readiness to make sure your baby is ready for solids. If your baby suddenly refuses the breast, you may have a nursing strike on your hands.

3. Look for reasons your baby is refusing the breast. Do they have a cold? Getting teeth? Have an ear ache? Eating too many solids? Learning something new? Some babies simply just get distracted by the world around them (usually around 4, 6, and 10 months old) and can’t be bothered by snack stops.

4. Remember that as babies get a bit older, they get more efficient at the breast. So, just because they are nursing for short spurts every few hours, it doesn’t mean they aren’t getting enough. Keep an eye on output and weight, but don’t expect a 10 month old to continue taking 20 minutes at the breast!

When faced with a nursing strike, look to your goals. If your goals are to nurse for a year and beyond, keep going! Keep offering! Use medication or ice to help sore gums, see a doctor if you suspect an ear infection or cold. Go to a dark room to nurse so your baby can calm down and nurse peacefully. Cut down on solids a bit, and offer before each meal. Be patient, this strike could last for anywhere from a couple days, to a week or two. I encourage you to stick with it.

Likewise, if your goal is to wean at an early age, take advantage of this strike, keeping in mind to replace nursing sessions with a bottle or sippy cup of formula or expressed breastmilk, as your baby still needs the nutrients and calories from either formula or breastmilk until age one.

July 16, 2015

5 Best Boob Books and Blogs (and one App)

I love books. When I was new on the mommy scene, I read everything. No topic was off limits and I read everything about parenting, from sleep to feeding, potty training to discipline. Not all books are created equally though, and not all blogs are worth the time it takes to click on them.

Aside from this blog, obviously, there are a few other resources I want to be sure to mention!

1. Breastfeeding Made Simple by Nancy Mohrbacher and Kathleen Kendall-Tacket

Based on the idea of 7 natural laws of breastfeeding, this is an easy to read, and informative guide of what normal breastfeeding looks like and how to make it more intuitive and less of a struggle. I recommend it to all my moms, and have even based my Breastfeeding 101 class on it.

2. Peaceful Parenting

While not specifically a breastfeeding blog, Dr. Momma has some great, evidence based articles on latch, breastfeeding, pumping and just parenting in general. There are some things I don’t agree with, but like with any blog, take what you want, leave the rest.

3. Adventures in Tandem Nursing by Hilary Flower

If you are going to nurse during a pregnancy, or after, this is the book to read. It is non-judgemental, easy to digest, and will walk you through what to expect each step of the way. I was so grateful for this book when I was pregnant with my second and still had my boob addicted toddler reluctant to give up his habit! It made me feel like all of the feelings and thoughts that were making nursing difficult were normal, and nothing to be ashamed of!

4. Kelly Mom

This isn’t exactly a blog, but it is the single most useful site I have seen regarding breastfeeding. From growth charts, to information on common medications, to ages and stages of children, to wonderful accounts of overcoming breastfeeding struggles, this website is something I refer to all the time.

5. Dr Hale’s Infant Risk Center

Dr. Thomas Hale is the leading authority on perinatal pharmacology. Meaning, all he does, all day long, is study the effects of medications on pregnant and lactating mothers and their babies. He and his team work tirelessly to give full and understandable scientifically researched information about the safety of every single medication out there. You can reach the experts a few different ways too! Their website has some good blogs, but if you need help with a specific medication, you can call them Monday-Friday 8am-5pm central time at (806) 352-2519. Or you can download the “Infant Risk” app on either iphone or android devices for a small fee. Or, heck! call me and I will read off the information, that app is invaluable!

July 15, 2015

Weaning Whines

I live in a very breastfeeding friendly, nearly stringent, bubble. Having worked with La Leche League as a leader for the past five years, I have seen breastfeeding babies from ages newborn all the way to five years old. Nothing tickles me more (internally of course, because I am a lady!) than a first time pregnant mom who comes to a meeting and sees a gigantic toddler latched on and sprawled out on his mother’s lap. The fear in her eyes say, “That baby has TEETH, and a pretty hefty vocabulary!” In fact, because of this bubble of breastfeeding, I saw a toddler nurse FAR before I ever witnessed a newborn doing the same.

I’ve seen women hell bent on nursing through pregnancy, tandem nursing, and nursing until the baby self weans, as if each goal will earn them a merit badge. I have seen the same women feel extremely guilty when they realize they can’t stand the feeling of nursing anymore during a rough pregnancy, or when they need sleep more than they need to respond immediately to every peep from both their first and second born kid with a breast and a smile. I have seen women worry that weaning their 2 year old will mean ostracizing from their friend group, that they will be pariahs for admitting that they are done with nursing before their baby. On the other hand, I have seen women force their baby to the breast, because they aren’t ready for their toddler to wean yet.

It is great to nurse babies until they are done, don’t get me wrong. However, there might be reasons that a mom wants to wean before the baby is absolutely done. This is okay. There might also come a time when the baby is done, and the mother isn’t. Breastfeeding is a relationship, one that involves two people. To ignore the feelings of one of the people in that relationship can be a major mistake.

I am here to say, it is okay to wean. It is okay if that happens before you wanted it to. It is okay to set goals, but it is also okay when those goals change. Over the next couple of weeks, I will explore this taboo topic, and how to wean in a way that is gentle, safe, and loving to both parties in the relationship.